It’s normal to meet someone new and wonder if you’ve finally found true love. You are experiencing strong feelings of affection and attraction, yet you are worried they’ll wear off when the initial excitement dies down. You then decide to find a neutral ground to get to know this person better, but you’re worried you’ll end up fishing for flaws that would otherwise be insignificant. You’d find yourself dealing with a circle of confusing emotions where it seems too risky to embrace your feelings and too careless to let them go.
We all have different perceptions of what true love really is, but it simply means that you share an intensely powerful and unwavering connection with someone, complete with fondness, devotion, and a will to stay committed to each other for life. Also, what true love is not remains unchanging. True love is not pain but it’s also not easy. Some people interpret the age-long “love endures all” teaching to mean swallowing every vile attitude and cruelty thrown at us in the name of endurance. People have continually remained in dangerously abusive relationships because they believe in the resilience of love that is supposed to “conquer all pain.” In the end, they’ll often discover that one-sided love is not in any way true.
Enduring love is about compromise, patience, and growth. [1] You’d learn to find a middle ground where you can meet each other equally and complement your desires and aspirations. Patience is important because no human being is perfect. Your values and ideologies would probably differ and if you’re not patient enough to understand this person, you’d have a hard time moving forward. Finally, you must grow with them. No matter how far apart your horizons are, if you truly love someone, you’ll be willing to grow and evolve with them as you define the objectives of your relationship.
True love should not be a scary or intimidating concept, and here are 5 things you have to accept if you want to find true love.
Communication is key
This might sound cliché, but the best relationships are often those where the partners can talk freely with each other instead of making assumptions and bearing grudges. When you’ve found true love, you can openly discuss anything with your partner and you’d never be tempted to keep secrets from them. Intimacy isn’t merely physical; it also involves a strong emotional connection where you can let a person into the deepest parts of your life. You are not afraid to tell them of your past mistakes or future aspirations because you can feel their support and unwavering love. Even in your most vulnerable moments, there’s no need to pretend around this special person. [2]
True love isn’t supposed to hurt
“Love is pain” except not really. This phrase is often used by people who aim to make excuses for enduring painful or abusive relationships. This is the ultimate red flag and if a person displays violent, aggressive, or abusive behavior towards you, you need to stay far away from them. True love is beautiful, refreshing, kind, and exciting, and while it’s not always going to be a bed of roses, you shouldn’t expect a pack of painful thorns either. There will be arguments, quarrels, and sometimes you two would be annoyed with each other, but love should never be an emotionally exhausting struggle. [3]
Self-love is a prerequisite
“Love yourself or nobody will.” You can’t give from an empty bowl. You must love yourself before you can try to love another person. There’s nothing selfish about self-love and taking care of yourself is essential to achieving your life goals. You are an individual before you are anything else, and you need to accept who you are and be proud of your existence. Convert your insecurities into inspirations and be motivated by your experiences. Learn to forgive yourself when you make mistakes, and finally, be kind and gentle to your soul.
True love needs work
Some people believe that once you find true love, there’d never a possibility for negative feelings or stressful episodes in a relationship. While this train of thought makes sense, it’s not very practical in real life. While true love is an emotional connection on a super-charged level, it still occurs between individuals with different personalities, backgrounds, and upbringings. It’s still going to require a lot of work and patience to keep your relationship on track, all the while still loving and supporting each other as much as you can.
Respect their boundaries
This might seem contradictory to the whole concept, but it’s as important as any other point. Relationships and marriages are not absolute mergers. While you two belong to each other, you don’t own this person and they don’t own you either. They are not a property to be acquired and gotten rid of as you please. They are still fully autonomous individuals with their own interests and desires, and you shouldn’t try to overstep their personal boundaries. It’s unfair and disrespectful to expect someone you love to wipe out every hint of individuality in them.
If they don’t like other people wearing their clothes or using their personal effects, you should respect that. If they don’t like someone else being in the bathroom with them, it’s their choice. Don’t expect them to merge all their funds and life-savings with yours so you both can run a joint account — this is a hugely unfair thing to ask of someone else. Essentially, give them the space to remain who they were before you came along, and you should expect the same respect from them.
References
- “6 Compromises In A Relationship You Can Expect To Make When It’s Healthy.” Elite. Alison Segel. Retrieved May 25, 2020.
- “10 Things You Need to Know About True Love.” HuffPost. Jenny Kanevsky. Retrieved May 25, 2020.
- “What Does True Love Feel Like? Your Relationship Should Make You Feel These 3 Things.” Elite Daily. Cosmo Luce. Retrieved May 25, 2020.
- “Loving Yourself Is Not Selfish.” Thought Catalog. Racquel Manuel. Retrieved May 25, 2020.