Everyone needs someone to talk to. It could be to share your accomplishments or even your heartbreaks. Whatever the reason, it just feels good to be heard. Regardless of how it feels, it might be a good idea to rein it in and keep some aspects of your personal life just that — personal.
Having your secrets and why it’s okay to do so
Nowadays, social media has glorified “oversharing.” Everyone is expected to give out personal information about themselves for other people’s gratification. From the irregular Facebook user to the top celebrities, no one is spared. It’s regarded as being “authentic” when you overshare, but is that the case?
Sometimes you do things you’re not proud of, and even if they are things you are proud of, the point is that it happened, and it’s ok to want to keep it to yourself. Your family and friends do not need to know; neither do your followers on Instagram. The only person you are answerable to is the person you see when you look in the mirror: yourself.
When do you become less authentic and more unnecessarily chatty?
There used to be such a fine line between being an honest person and being an over-sharer.
However, with the advent of social media tools such as ‘WhatsApp status’ and ‘IG stories,’ as well as reality TV, that line has become very much blurred.
Authenticity requires you to be brave enough to live your life in line with your beliefs and not conforming to what other people think. You would think this is as clear as day, but some people have twisted it to you sharing your deepest secret with people you know nothing about. There is even a fancy term for this: own your story.
They expect you to use social media like something akin to a diary, but that is not so. Not even having a lifestyle blog means you should talk about the time you had pre-eclampsia or how much you are paid at work. And you shouldn’t let anyone bully you into thinking otherwise. [1]
Authenticity aside, here are seven things you should not be sharing with everyone
1.Your money
You worked for it, you earned it, and it’s yours. There’s absolutely no reason to disclose how much you earn or how much you have in your bank account to people. No matter how good a person appears to be, money can easily change them.
People might get envious or jealous of you if they knew you earn more than them. On your part, if they earn more than you, you might end up feeling bad about that. What goes on in your wallet is nobody’s business.
2. Your properties
In that same vein of not sharing how much you earn or have, you should keep your material things/personal belongings to yourself. Continually talking about all you are ‘blessed’ with might be regarded as showing off or bragging.
Choose modesty, the people you are showing off to might be struggling to make ends meet. Also, if you show off, others might want to ‘one-up’ you, and this could eventually lead to an unhealthy competition between you and them.
3. Your relationship
A relationship, especially a romantic one, is meant to be between two people who love each other, not between two people and seven other random people at work, at the coffee shop, or from the bus ride home. Sharing details about your personal life might seem like the ‘cool thing’ to do; after all, you’re proud of your partner, and you want the world to know.
Perhaps, you could take it down a notch. Laura from the subway does not need to know that you and your partner had a big fight this morning over toothpaste or even your future kid’s names. Don’t ever make the mistake of complaining about your partner to other people. Letting random people into your relationship will eventually work against you.
If you feel the need to talk about your relationship, then seek professional help as it will only make your relationship stronger. [2]
4. Your goals
You probably think that sharing your goals will make you more likely to achieve them, but it may come as a shock to you that telling everyone your biggest dreams might be counterproductive.
A study led by Peter Gollwitzer at NYU on 49 psychology students showed just how true this is. The participants were divided into two groups: one group wrote their goals for the week and had it read by some people, while the other did the same, but no one read theirs.
At the end of the study, the researchers found that the students whose intentions were known acted on them less than those with “unknown” intentions. They concluded that sharing your goals create a “premature sense of completeness,” which can derail you from your ultimate goal. [3]
5. Your weaknesses
Everyone has one or several weak spots. And while sharing your problem could help you find a solution, you mustn’t show your weaknesses indiscriminately. Not everyone who asks you whether you have a problem has your best interest at heart, and they could end up using your weakness to manipulate you.
6. Your family problems
Every family has their fair share of problems, but no matter how bad it gets, you are still a family, and you make up at the end of the day or get past any issues you might have. Telling other people about the fights you had at home or all the challenges you are facing is undoubtedly a wrong move.
Resolve your conflicts within the confines of your home, and never reveal your family secrets to outsiders.
7. Your kind deeds
The world needs more genuine kind acts. Most people are only charitable when there’s a camera close by. They want to be referred to as philanthropists, and while it’s great to be a philanthropist, what truly matters are the kind acts you exhibit when no one else can see and praise you. [4]
It all boils down to creating a sense of importance and wanting other people’s approval. However, you should only value the opinions of people that matter: your family and loved ones. Random people online or around you have no justification to know all these things about you, and you should strive to keep it that way.
Set up clear boundaries for your life to keep the negative energies out. People will be mad at you for doing that, but that’s their problem. What matters is that you protect your personal space fiercely
References
- “There Is A Clear Line Between Oversharing And Being Authentic — Here’s How To Avoid Crossing It”. Forbes. 2016.
- “8 Reasons Why Happy Couples Rarely Share Their Relationship Statuses on Social Media“. Inc.. 2017.
- “Research Reveals That Publicly Announcing Your Goals Makes You Less Likely to Achieve Them“. Inc.. 2017.
- “Pause Before Posting: The Benefits of Not Over Sharing on Social Media“. Psych Central. 2018.