Relationships are hard work.
Even the most compatible of couples who are deeply in love have to work at maintaining a healthy relationship. People are constantly changing and growing. We all go through hard times. Knowing exactly how to support your partner, while you also are going through similar things, is challenging.
In a balanced relationship these are things you work through as a team. You talk about what you need from each other and each party does their best to fulfill that role. If you find yourself always compromising your own needs for the other person, however, your “partnership” may not be as good for you as you may think.
9 Red Flags that You Are In a Toxic Relationship
1. You’re not sure you can trust what they say.
Does everything your partner says seems questionable and you find yourself searching for clues that they may be hiding something? This could be a sign that your relationship isn’t everything that it seems. Trust is at the centre of every healthy relationship – without it, you can’t grow together as a couple.
2. You always come second.
Relationships should be an equal compromise between two people: sometimes your needs will come first and sometimes their’s. If you find either you or your partner is always putting you second, something is out of whack.
3. Your gut feeling is off.
Intuition is a powerful thing. If you feel uneasy around your partner or just in general about the relationship itself, chances are something is wrong. This could be a sign that you need to do some real soul-searching to determine why you feel that way and whether your relationship is truly serving you the way it should.
4. You don’t have enough quality time together.
While spending all of your time together is not healthy either, you should spend a decent amount of time with your partner. Though life can get busy and sometimes we don’t have as much time for our loved ones as we want, a partner is someone who has chosen to be with you. Despite a busy schedule, they should be at the very least trying to make time for you. If your partner is constantly blowing you off, or maybe you just find yourselves drifting apart, that may be a sign you need to reevaluate your commitment to each other.
5. You feel constantly stressed and anxious.
Anxiety and stress can come from many places. We live in a fast-paced society with a great amount of pressure placed on us every day. Your relationship should be a place of solace. A warm hug from your partner should ease your worries and melt that stress away, at least momentarily. If you find their presence does not relax your troubled mind in any way, perhaps it is because they are part of the problem.
6. You worry about introducing your partner to your friends and family.
When you love someone, you should be excited for the people closest to you to meet them. If the thought of your significant other meeting your parents or your friends brings you great stress, you need to ask yourself why. Are you ashamed of them? If so, what for? Do you feel that your friends or family aren’t going to like them? If you love them enough to want to be with them, your partner getting along with your family or fitting into your friend group should be simple. You should be proud to be with your significant other. If you aren’t, this relationship might not be for you.
7. You never spend time with your friends anymore.
Quality time with your partner is important, yes. But spending all of your time with them and neglecting the other relationships in your life? Not healthy. You need space from each other and you also need time to nurture the friendships that you had before you met your significant other. You also need to question why you don’t see your friends anymore. Is it because your partner doesn’t want you to? This may be a sign of a more serious issue.
8. Your relationship feels like a competition.
Healthy relationships are not about keeping score. It’s not about who spent the most on a birthday gift or who is right or wrong. It should be a balanced partnership. If it feels like the two of you are constantly in a neck-and-neck race, that balance is off.
9. You feel like your partner is trying to manipulate you.
Relationships aren’t about what you can get out of another person, they are about loving one another for who they are and helping each other grow. If you constantly feel like your significant other is playing mind games or their every move seems calculated, you very well could be being used. In this case you need to do what is best for you, before you are mentally and emotionally abused.
Two people should be in a relationship because they love each other and want to be a part of every part of the other person’s life – the good and the bad. If you notice any of these red flags in your relationship, you should take a minute to consider whether both you and your partner are in the relationship for the right reasons. If you determine one of you isn’t, perhaps it is time to make a change.