For some of us, it’s very easy to keep on hoping for the best in others despite what their actions blatantly show. We make excuses for bad behaviors with the hope that such behaviors are just one-off actions, and inside that person, there’s a good side waiting to come out.
I used to be this way for a long time. I kept digging for the good with the belief that somewhere deep down, the person didn’t mean to say that nasty thing or that deep down, that mean person was a good person. Well, I learned the hard way, and it doesn’t have to be the same for you.
Over time, I’ve come to realize that most toxic traits are hardly one-off actions, and you can tell who people are by what they repeatedly do. You need to stop digging for the good in people even when they repeatedly show you who they are. The sad truth is that for most people, waiting for “the good to come out” would mean waiting for a lifetime, and nobody has time for that.
Being able to identify toxic and harmful behavior and see them for what they are is the first step to free yourself to lead a fulfilling and happier life.
Here are some common traits of negative people that you should be wary of:
They Do Not Apologize
Negative people find it hard to apologize, and even when they manage to, they make it a conditional apology that ends up blaming you. You’d hear things like, “I’m sorry if you feel that way that way” or “I’m sorry that you didn’t understand.” A sincere apology is never conditional. A person who truly cares about you will respect your feelings and will be careful not to repeat the same mistake. [1]
Controlling Behavior
Every healthy relationship involves some compromise. However, in toxic relationships, the toxic person hardly compromises while the other person keeps bending. Once you notice signs of a desire to dominate in a person’s words and actions, you should distance yourself from that person. For most toxic people, you’ll never be good enough for them, and they’ll try subtle and overt ways to turn you into someone you are not just to please them. Always have at the back of your mind that you are not a puppet. [2]
Gaslighting
This is a common technique used to make you doubt your perceptions and truths. It usually occurs when you confront a negative person about something they’ve done, and instead of admitting their wrongdoing, they try to turn the tables on you to make it seem as though you are the problem. If this goes on long enough, the victim would eventually start to doubt their minds and their reality, making them more vulnerable to the negative person’s antics.
Disrespect
You should not put up with a person who continuously disrespects you, your opinions, and your boundaries. Disrespect can come in many forms, such as insults, body shaming, putting you down, belittling and disregarding your achievements, and many more. The primary aim of this is to chip away at your confidence and self-esteem so that you can be easily manipulated.
Unwillingness to Invest in Your Relationship
A toxic person is usually emotionally unavailable to your needs. The most they do is to show up now and then, but they are unwilling to make any emotional and long-term commitment to your relationship. Such people prioritize one-night stands and ghosting over commitment and building a lasting and healthy relationship. [3]
Negativity
They are natural Moody Judys. They try to dampen your excitement as much as possible. For them, there’s always a dark lining to every good thing, especially when it has to do with you. They’ll find a way to point out how the pay from your new promotion could be better or how your new car would only mean more trips to the mechanic. There are no limits to the negativity they can bring into the situation.
Passive-Aggressive
This is when a non-toxic thing is done in a toxic way. It could be as simple as smiling at you and walking away instead of addressing what you just said, or cracking a malicious joke. The terrible thing about passive-aggression is that it leaves the victims thinking that they must have done something wrong and feeling like they are the problem.
Walk away from negative people
When you notice any of these traits in any relationship, you owe it to yourself to walk away. Do not go about hoping that toxic people will show you a better side than what they’ve been showing you all along. Actions speak louder than words, and your excuses for them will only make it harder for you to disentangle yourself from their knotty web.
References
- “How to Identify the Negative People in Your Life.” Inc. Peter Economy. Accessed March 5, 2020.
- “How to Deal With Negative People Who Just Aren’t Going Away.” Entrepreneur. Karen Young. Accessed March 5, 2020.
- “Ways to Stop Giving Negative People Too Much Power In Your Life.” Forbes. Amy Morin. Accessed March 5, 2020.