When it comes to small talk, people just assume introverts are shy and don’t know what to say, but in reality, that’s as far from it as it can get.
Introverts are often highly intelligent people who do a lot of talking in their heads. Introversion isn’t merely about avoiding social gatherings and being reclusive. People with this character trait are usually reserved, quiet, and thoughtful, focusing on internal feelings rather than external sources of stimulation. In other words, an introvert can live completely in their heads and this is safe for them, just like an extrovert would break down if they are unable to socialize. Introverts have strong communication and listening skills, but only when the discussion promises to be intense and meaningful.
Introverts dislike social engagements and being the center of attention. These activities can be very exhausting and mentally draining for them. This is why most introverts are often eager to leave a social gathering and go home to the safety and comfort of their bedrooms, where everything is peaceful and they are not required to socialize.
If they are going to converse, it had better be meaningful
There are two universal and extremely important facts to note about introversion.
One: It is NOT a mental disorder and has been classified as a healthy personality type. [1] [2] Introversion is not a medical condition or something to be worried about. It’s simply who they are — quiet, reserved, intense, and exceptionally awesome.
Two: Introverts hate small talk — polite, unnecessary conversation about unimportant things just to be social. There’s actually nothing bad about small talk, but with introverts, just try to not bring up irrelevant topics. They are not being rude or insulting when they turn away or engage very loosely in these conversations. They can’t help it, because when people start to talk about the weather, how nice a party is, or some other unimportant issue, they don’t know how to respond.
Laurie Helgoe, writer of Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength,” summed it up in two sentences: “Let’s clear one thing up: Introverts do not hate small talk because we dislike people. We hate small talk because we hate the barrier it creates between people.”
This is why introverts are not big on meeting new people because then they’d have to talk the way decorum requires at the start, and that’s just difficult for a person who prefers deep-rooted interactions.
Skip all the formalities and get to the juice – let’s talk aliens, horoscopy, and possibly skincare.
While small talk is often described as a social lubricant, it shows neutrality and an unnerving lack of authenticity that would put an intense personality off very quickly.
Sometimes, these polite conversations can lead to more meaningful discussions, and if an introvert has to “sit through” small talk, they’d be counting minutes till it’s time to really talk.
Small talk is superficial and at some point, it starts to sound scripted — scripted by social conventions and the demands of decorum. This bothers introverts so much that they end up dreading first-time meetings with new people. During the days leading up to a first date or friendly meeting, they may spend time going through the worst-case scenarios in their heads, wondering what they are going to say and how they will sit through that initial stage without losing interest completely.
Trust me, it’s that serious.
Introverts just want to meet people who would skip all the unnecessary formalities and strike up a real conversation immediately. They want people who would match their authenticity and need for originality, and it’s always a dream-come-true to meet people who are ready to “dive right in.”