Why Old Souls Have A Hard Time Finding Love

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You’ve probably heard the term ‘old soul’ thrown around once or twice. It’s a term that doesn’t have any official definition, but it can be loosely defined as an individual who is wise beyond their years, tends to enjoy more mature pursuits, and has little patience for more youthful things like going to clubs and similar recreational activities typically assigned to the young.

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What it is that makes someone an old soul probably has a lot more to do with lived experience and personal preferences than anything spiritual or dealing with the soul in a literal sense. Years ago, I met a woman who told me that an old soul was a soul that had lived many lives and had been reincarnated many times, carrying with it some of the experiences from previous lives.

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Whether or not souls exist and can be reincarnated is up for debate, and it’s a debate that I don’t concern myself with all that much. But people who could be described as being old souls go through this life a little bit differently. They often tend to be a bit more introverted and bookish and can have trouble attracting a romantic partner.

This is why old souls sometimes have difficulty finding love.

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They are fiercely independent

Not every old soul is an introvert but they tend to at least espouse some of the qualities of introverts. They generally have no problem being alone, are resourceful, and can acquire for themselves all of the things needed in order to have what they need in life. This is ultimately a good thing – being able to take care of yourself and be happy on your own is I think a vital part of being an adult. But taken to an extreme, it can impede the development of a relationship.

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Old souls who have grown accustomed to having to work things out on their own can sometimes have difficulty developing a romantic partnership with another person, as asking for help as well as offering help in such an intimate way seems naturally pretty foreign.

From an outside perspective, an old soul may seem controlling or stoic. And that may be at least somewhat true. So to the old souls thinking about entering into a relationship, consider the importance of a true partnership as opposed to two independent people trying to independently go their own way together.

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They want something else in a romantic partner

Browse any forum or column that offers relationship advice and you’ll probably find a pretty common thread: the people who have the most problems are the ones who struggle with possessiveness, jealousy, and co-dependence. It seems as though culturally, we’re conditioned to believe that these things are fairly normal, and yet their presence in a relationship causes problems.

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To be brief: old souls tend to have no time for this sort of thing. As mentioned already, they’re fiercely independent. They aren’t going to be easily controlled or possessed. That alone makes them a less than ideal partner in a world full of people who want to be possessive. They’re looking for someone else – someone that will let them be the person they want to be with few limitations outside of agreed-upon parameters of the relationship.

They tend to have greater focus on self development and advancement

Old souls aren’t necessarily cut-throat monsters blazing a path to ultimate glory, but they do have a tendency to be focused on personal development, advancing themselves through life, and living life the exact way they want to. They’re not the types of people to be easily restricted as I’ve mentioned already. And while they are supportive of others’ goals and don’t see any reason to keep an eye on their gain with suspicion or jealousy, they do tend to think that you succeed or fail on your own merit.

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Their past lived experiences stay with them

Old souls may forgive but they don’t often forget. Old souls process their emotional baggage on their own time, and your desire to rush into a romantic partnership with them has no bearing on that processing. The things they experienced in the past shape and move the people they are today. Some good, some bad. This makes them, at times, challenging for the average person to want to be with – especially those who believe they can or should change a prospective romantic partner for the better.

So to the old souls that are considering a relationship, I hope you found this article to be a useful guide to further introspection. And to those wanting to date an old soul, my best advice is to take a deep breath, relax, offer space and support, and don’t even think about being possessive or forceful.

Thomas Nelson
Environmental Advocate
Thomas is an environmental advocate currently residing in the Pacific Northwest. In his spare time, he enjoys experiencing the outdoors, raising chickens and ducks, and reading about current environmental issues. Despite slight colorblindness, his favorite color is green.
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