How To Attract Healthier Relationships By Becoming A Better Version Of Yourself

How To Attract Healthier Relationships By Becoming A Better Version Of Yourself

Being in a relationship with a toxic person may be one of the most challenging things a person can ever do. Toxic people are generally complicated, uncompromising, and non-supportive. They will never see the good in you and will hurt you in whatever way possible as long as they get to achieve what they want. They will drain you emotionally and leave your self-esteem in tatters. They will not hesitate to bring you down at the slightest opportunity. When dating these kinds of people, the standard advice is to leave the relationship. [1]

It may not be easy in the beginning, especially if you love that person; however, with time, it will be rewarding. Once you have left, you need to do some soul-searching before heading into another relationship. 

“Will you date yourself?

Making that decision to start a new relationship is great, however, there are pertinent questions that you need to ask yourself. Questions like ‘would you date yourself ‘ if the coin was flipped should be answered honestly. You need to look inward and critically assess yourself. If you fall short, you need to put a hold on that new relationship you are looking to start and work on yourself. Focusing on the inside will see you attract the right kind of people to yourself.

To have a healthy relationship, here are a few pointers that will help:

Search yourself 

There’s no better way to attract the right kind of relationship than to soul-search. Who are you? What fuels your anger, your emotions, your ego, and your pain. What are your shortcomings? What are you bringing to the relationship? Once you’ve noted them down, work on your flaws.

According to Denise Scarbro: “The trick to attracting healthy relationships is to feel the love you are searching for from within yourself, to feel truly confident, and to know that you are complete. Take some time to reflect on the relationships in your life, and see what areas you might need to tend to within yourself. Relationships in our lives act as mirrors; when we have a loving relationship with ourselves, the reflection will always be the strong, healthy, loving relationship we deserve.  [2]

When you understand yourself, look for people whose interest and level of consciousness aligns with yours.

Mirror positive relationships

Experience, they say, is the best teacher one can have. Before you start a new relationship, learn from the previous one. What made the relationship great at the time? What were the positives? What areas do you need to improve on? These are pertinent questions you need to ask yourself. 

Next, learn from positive relationships. What makes them great? You can look at your friends that are doing great in their relationship. Would you like that sort of relationship? Yes? Then you need to know what makes theirs work and mirror those traits in your relationship.

Be kind to yourself 

The importance of kindness cannot be overemphasized. Kindness to yourself will make you work on traits that will negatively impact your new relationship. It will also make you become a better person to the admiration of those around you. Ensure you look after yourself because no one can do it better than you can. Go to the gym. Be good to yourself. Meditate. Find activities that will keep you happy and ensure you find fulfillment within yourself. [3]

Look inward rather than outward

Have you ever seen someone who is jaw-breakingly beautiful but has traits that have people running as far as possible? Have you also seen someone who isn’t facially appealing but exhibits remarkable traits? Judging people by their appearance can be your greatest undoing. Before you decide to start a relationship with someone, look beyond the physical. Look out for the way the person behaves with others. While there is nothing wrong with outer beauty, it tends to fade away over time. Inner beauty, on the other hand, comes from the heart, shines through, and cannot be hidden. 

Do not project your insecurities

Projecting your insecurities or baggage is one of the worst mistakes you can make while starting a new relationship. Yes, your ex-boyfriend hurt you in unimaginable ways, but you also have to realize that your new boyfriend isn’t scum. Do not taint your prospective relationship with baggage from your old one.

If you feel that you haven’t recovered or are having difficulty forgetting what has happened in the past, then you need to take out time to recover. More importantly, keep your past where it belongs: the past. [4]

Look for the nice ones

Some ladies have a thing for bad boys, and vice-versa, who do not care about them. They ignore the person showing love and affection, citing ‘boring’ as an excuse. If you have someone that makes you happy and loves you right, you would be better off sticking to that person rather than chasing another who is unavailable and treats you like thrash. You deserve to be loved correctly, so ensure that you do not settle for less. If your relationship isn’t giving you joy, the best thing you can do for yourself is to walk away quietly.


  1. What’s a Toxic Person & How Do You Deal With One?” Psych. Margarita Tartakovsky. July 8, 2018.
  2. The Trick To Attracting Healthy Relationships.” Huff Post. Denise Scarbro. July 27, 2012.
  3. 7 Simple Ways You Can Become a Better Partner. Psychology Today. Theresa E DiDonato Ph.D. January 6, 2015.
  4. 5 Keys to Attracting the Love of Your Life. Huff Post. Margaret Paul, PhD. July 3, 2013.