One of the hardest things about human relationships is understanding another person’s true nature. We can’t just meet someone and figure everything about them out in one day. It’s a process that takes time because we are often inclined to keep several facets of our true character hidden. It’s a defense mechanism we humans use to shield ourselves from crippling judgment and unsolicited opinions. However, not everyone hiding their character is doing it for harmless reasons.
The best way to see a person for who they truly are is to pay attention to the way they treat you. Guilt is a powerful persecutor and it can make a person channel unfounded aggression towards others, thereby revealing a part of themselves they would have wanted to keep hidden. If someone wrongly accuses you of something you certainly didn’t do, especially with minimal evidence to back up their claims, chances are, they are guilty of the same wrongdoing and it’s seriously haunting them.
A liar will accuse of lying
At first, this would appear as if they are trying to gaslight you because you just can’t imagine doing what they are accusing you of. They would insist you are lying and would usually be so forceful with their claims that you’d begin to doubt the reality you know so well.
Actually, this person may not be intentionally manipulating you. They are probably dealing with the after-effect of lying for so long that they can no longer see the truth in other people’s words. They assume everyone is lying at first because that’s what they would do. This is so awful, and if someone accuses wrongly of telling a lie, call them out for what is really going on and turn the tables. [1]
A cheater will accuse of cheating
A classic case of guilt at its best. You’d drive yourself insane wondering why your partner is so hung up on proving you’ve been cheating, when you’ve never even been tempted to look elsewhere. It’s different if you are caught in the act, but it’s unfair when you’ve done nothing wrong. They’d act so jealous and begin to act up when you’re talking to other people — it’s not only childish, but it’s super-exhausting.
The reason is simple: their guilt is causing them to doubt your fidelity. They’ve probably cheated on other people before, and might even be doing it at the time of accusing you falsely. That’s why your fidelity seems too good to be real because they are more comfortable believing that you’re as guilty as they are. [2]
Insecure people will make you feel insecure
This is the major problem with body-shamers, social media trolls (cyberbullies), and people who delight in tearing others down. Nitpicking irrelevancies in other people’s lifestyles, bodies, and personalities is a surefire sign of deep-rooted insecurity. Keyboard bullies on social media would find something they believe could make you feel bad and type it out with the speed of light. If you ever got to know these broken people personally, you’d discover how intense their self-esteem issues are.
Every single bully out there deals with the inferiority complex and bullying others seems like a pretty good way to feel powerful. [3]
Don’t let anyone feel good about themselves at your own expense. If someone channel awful attitudes toward you, call them out and put them in their place. You are not an object designed for coping with guilt. You are a human being and you deserve to be treated with kindness, respect, and dignity.
References
- “Why Gaslighters Accuse You of Gaslighting.” Psychology Today. Stephanie A. Sarkis Ph.D. February 13, 2017.
- “If you’re constantly accused of cheating, your partner may be the unfaithful one.” The Star. Ellie. August 2, 2014.
- “4 Signs That Someone Is Probably Insecure.” Psychology Today. Susan Krauss Whitbourne Ph.D. November 17, 2015.