If you’ve never had to deal with a toxic person, you should count yourself extremely lucky. They are uncompromising, non-supportive, and difficult. They will sap whatever positive energy you have and replace it with negativity. Toxic people will never see the good in you. They will hurt you in whatever way possible as long as they get to achieve what they want. And while at it, they will never admit their mistake or apologize.
Toxic people don’t accept responsibilities for their actions
When they are caught in a compromising situation, they immediately turn the tables and make false and baseless accusations. They don’t find it hard to spin lies. They have a handful of them on the tip of their tongues and will not hesitate to use it. When they hurt you, let’s say by cheating, they make it your fault and not theirs. Instead of accepting responsibility for their actions and apologizing, they justify it by giving infinitesimal excuses. It’s your fault for getting fat after childbirth or the baby’s fault for taking so much of your time. If it is none of these, they resort to blaming that extra beer. Scream all you want, curse all you want, even present facts calmly, nothing will change. [1]
They are emotional moochers
Toxic people are emotional moochers. They will drain you emotionally and leave your self-esteem in pieces. They are always negative and pessimistic and will not hesitate to bring you down. Don’t try to call them out because you would end up apologizing for an imaginary offense.
Toxic people are control freaks. They want to be in charge of everything you do. They want to know who you talk to, what you say, and what you think. Toxic people are also very arrogant. They always want you to accept whatever they say. This is because they believe they are the smartest person in a room, and as such, every other person or conversation is seen as a challenge that must be won over. They leave no room for disagreements or contrary opinions. After all, they claim to be always right — end of the story.
Don’t expect them to change their behavior because they won’t. They believe they are perfect and do not need to improve or become better. They will never reflect on their actions simply because they think they’re flawless. [2]
How to deal with a toxic person
When dealing with a toxic person, the standard advice is to leave that marriage, friendship, or whatever relationship you have with that person. Of what use is that relationship if it is filled with toxicity and negativity. Of what use is that friendship that makes you feel bad about yourself? Just walk away and save yourself. Yes, they will try to guilt-trip you into staying. They would even make you feel bad about it but do not let that deter you. [3]
According to Jodie Gale, MA, a psychotherapist and life coach in Sydney, Australia:
“If the person’s toxic behavior doesn’t change, or the relationship is just too toxic for you, send them forward in life with love and compassion, and then move forward with your life.” [4]
It may not be easy in the beginning, especially if you love that person; however, with time, it will be rewarding. Always remember that you deserve better, and you should get the best.
Keep away from their mind games
After you leave, you must protect your space. In most cases, toxic people would not walk away calmly. Expect them to spread lies and rumors about you primarily to your mutual friends, but do not subscribe to their mind games. Just ignore them. They would let you be as soon as they find another victim.
References
- “Why Certain People Will Never Admit They Were Wrong.” Psychology Today. Guy Winch Ph.D. November 2, 2018.
- “10 Toxic People You Should Avoid At All Costs.” Forbes. Travis Bradberry. November 15, 2015.
- “Dealing With Toxic People.” Psychology Today. Joseph H. Baskin M.D. May 29, 2019.
- “What’s a Toxic Person & How Do You Deal With One?. Psych. Margarita Tartakovsky. July 8, 2018.