“One of the most important relationships we’ll have is the relationship we have with our mothers.” – Iyanla Vanzant
The relationship between a mother and her child is beautiful. It is more special when a mother doubles as her child’s best friend. Not many people are lucky to experience that sort of relationship with their mother and those who do treasure it. Abby Elise Blackwell understands this and she has penned an open letter to give us an insight into what it’s like to be blessed with a mother who is also her best friend.
Abby has often been criticized for telling her mum everything that goes on in her life. She has been told to let go of her family and find out who she really is as a person. In fact, she has been labeled as uncool by people who do not understand what it’s like to have a mother as a friend.
“People have told me that now is the time to let go of your family and find out who you really are as a person. I’ve also heard, ‘Why tell your mom everything when this is the one chance to get away with anything?’ I’ll tell you why.” [1]
Well, here’s her reason
Abby is unashamed about the relationship she has with her mother. Her mum is her best friend, her confidante and one person who would never hurt her intentionally. With her mum, she never have to worry about being judged. She can be herself with the knowledge that her mum will continually support her and cheer her on. And just like her other friends, Abby makes sure she keeps her mother updated on happenings in her life.
“Yes, I’m that girl. I’m the girl that you see walking from class to class with the phone pressed up against her face saying, ‘Hey Mom! Guess what just happened?’ or you hear the ending. ‘I love you mom talk to you again tonight.’ Some would say that I’m wasting my college life away by constantly talking to my mom. That somehow talking to my mom makes me uncool because I tell her everything,” she said. [2]
Abby explains that her mother has inspired her to be a better person and has lifted her up in the hard times and so, nothing, not even college will ever make her let go of someone that special.
The science behind the mother-daughter bond
The bond between a mother and her daughter is very unique and beautiful. Sure, all moms love their kids but when it comes to their girl, they usually reserve a special space for them in their heart. The reason for this is not far-fetched. Mother-daughter relationships are the strongest, according to science.
According to a study, published in the Journal of Neuroscience, the part of the brain responsible for regulating emotions is more similar between daughters and mothers than any other intergenerational family relationship.
The study which consisted of 35 families (parents and their biological children) is the first to make use of intergenerational MRIs to compare brain structures.
Impact of mother-daughter relationship
The mother-daughter relationship is very important and influences the child, either positively or negatively. A study from the University of Georgia found that the relationship between a mother and her daughter determines a girl’s future relationship skills as well as her self-esteem. When a mother is overly critical of her daughter, there is a tendency for the child to have unhealthy eating attitudes and poor social skills compared to girls who have supportive moms.
According to Suzanne Degges-White, author of Mothers and Daughters: Living, Loving, and Learning Over a Lifetime: “The mother-daughter relationship is important in a multitude of ways. Essentially, it’s a female’s first experience of an intimate relationship, and through this relationship, we learn about trust, about separation and connection, about putting others’ needs ahead of our own, and about who we are as individuals.“ [3]
If your relationship with your daughter is fraught with difficulties, you need to find out what’s wrong and work towards fixing it. Make sure decisions are constructive rather than critical. If she has made a mistake, don’t go on criticizing her. Instead, find ways to help her enhance her decision-making skills.
References
- “I’m an Adult Woman, and I Call My Mother Three Times a Day.” Vogue. Michelle Ruiz. August 31, 2016.
- “Why I’m The Girl That Still Talks To Her Mom Every Day.” InspireMore. Lizzie Combs. April 3, 2017.
- “The Mother-Daughter Bond.” Psychology Today. Susan Campbell. May 1, 2001.
- Female-Specific Intergenerational Transmission Patterns of the Human Corticolimbic Circuitry.” JNeurosci. Bun Yamagata, Kou Murayama, Jessica M. Black, Roeland Hancock, Masaru Mimura, Tony T. Yang, Allan L. Reiss, and Fumiko Hoeft. January 27,2016.