Nowadays, infidelity is the biggest issue couples in a relationship face. These cheating partners are incredibly selfish and this attitude shows that they’re not ready to settle down.
Times have changed
It’s no longer accurate to say that men cheat more than women. Previously, it was easy to say men cheat because they were unable to “keep it in their pants.” However, it’s next to impossible to say which gender is more likely to cheat now.
According to Zhana Vrangalova Ph.D, a ‘sexpert’ at LELO, and a Professor of Human Sexuality at NY, “A recent study showed men were more likely than women to cheat for reasons related to sexual desire and variety, and due to situational factors like being drunk. However, the top three reasons for cheating endorsed by both women and men were the same: lack of love for primary partner, desire for sexual variety, and situational factors.”
Another professor, Alicia Walker from the Department of Sociology, Missouri State University, had a different answer to the question of why women cheat. She had spent a year gathering data for her book, The Secret Life of the Cheating Wife, by interviewing women who have had extramarital affairs.
She found that wives cheated in a bid to ‘outsource’ the sexual pleasure in their relationship so they could remain in said relationship. It took the women years of trying to make a suitable change in their relationships before they gave up and ‘stepped outside.’
Another key aspect of this is that the women felt like they could fulfill all their sexual desires with a partner other than their spouse. This is because they could discuss their options with these men beforehand, as opposed to their husbands with whom they never had such conversations with before getting married.
In a surprise twist, these women, “don’t want to leave their husband, they love their husband, they’ve got a great life, but what they really want is variety in their sexual partners,” said Walker. [1]
There is truly no simple answer that fits all scenarios as to why women cheat. Other than the above, it could be that they feel unappreciated or neglected by their husbands, they crave more intimacy than they are getting from their marriage, or they are just lonely.
Whatever the reason, cheating is never an option, but at that moment they fail to realize how devastating the effects can be in their primary relationship. The hurt might take a long time to go away, if it does at all. [2]
Why men cheat
Now that you know why women cheat, it’s only fair that you also know why men cheat. It’s a little more complicated than the typical ‘men are dogs’ reason.
According to author and psychologist from Huntington Station, N.Y, Daniel Sapen, “Sexual variety is important to many people, and so is keeping hold of the steady and reliable parts of one’s life. This very often translates into a divided strategy of appeasing and deceiving a partner into believing whatever feels secure, while also being on the hunt for new partners or at least open to new sexual opportunities.”
He goes on to say that, “Cheating might meet a few needs. The pleasure of the sex is one thing, the excitement of the ‘hunt’ and the novelty is another, and the self-esteem boost coming from being able to ‘score’ with new partners is yet another.”
Irrespective of the reason men (or women) cheat, you will be hard-pressed to find a justifiable one. [3]
They do these things in the moment without considering the long-term effect. Then they feel guilty and possibly vow never to go back. But then, the opportunity presents itself and they’re right back where they started. The cycle is a vicious one.
How to stop cheating and become a loyal partner
The following tips will help you to change your ways if you are a cheater, and if you are not, help you make sure you don’t become one.
1. Communication
Once you begin to feel ‘cracks’ in your relationship, then, open up to your partner. Do not keep it bottled up, if you do, you will eventually become vulnerable and likely to ‘slip and fall into bed’ with someone else.
2. Keep in mind that your relationship was your choice
You chose to be with this person so you owe them your loyalty. If you regard them as a mere option that is replaceable at any time, then perhaps you should do the noble thing and break up with them rather than string them along for the ride.
3. Appreciate your partner
There must have been a reason why you chose to be with them in the first place. Try to remember said reason and you’ll begin to value them again. Otherwise, someone else will recognize those characteristics and begin to appreciate them like you never did.
4. Work on your relationship
Don’t just give up on your partner. Whatever you do, don’t go to ‘find happiness in the arms of another.’ If you simply can’t work on it anymore, then let them go and move on with your life. Don’t intentionally hurt them. They deserve better than that.
When you have a loyal woman in your life
When women cheat, it’s devastating for men. This might be because they expect they’ll be more likely to cheat on their female counterparts. A loyal woman (or man) is truly special. When you have such a woman in your life, you owe it to her to appreciate and make her feel loved at all times.
Why you should endeavor to appreciate your woman
Women crave positive attention. A woman who feels unappreciated will eventually feel as if she’s being taken for granted. This appreciation is key in any relationship. It makes women feel like their efforts are being acknowledged. It also makes them feel good about themselves and their relationship.
If you fail to appreciate them, you will notice how often you fight over irrelevant things, how much quieter, emotional, and unenthusiastic these arguments are. [4]
Whatever you do, never cease to appreciate your woman; she deserves it, and it will help keep the spark alive.
How to make your partner feel appreciated
1. Go all out – Most women are hopeless romantics. Do something truly special for her, and you will make her swoon with love for you.
2. Make her feel like a priority – A woman should never feel like a second choice in your life. You should go out of your way to ensure that she never feels that way.
3. Be emotionally available – Don’t just make time for her and act like a zombie. Women are highly emotional, thus, when you spend time with her, be present in body, mind, and soul. You should be able to tune into your emotions and attempt to relate with her on the same frequency.
4. Do not try to change her – You should accept her for who she is. She probably has the rest of society in their typical manner trying to make her into something she’s not. As her partner, you shouldn’t try to make her conform to their standards. Just help her be the best version of herself.
5. Be thoughtful – Don’t just think about all the ways she can make your life better. Think about her and how you can make her happy. You should go above and beyond for the woman you love. That shows how much you appreciate her. [5]
Women are highly perceptive. You’ve seen just how much infidelity abounds in the world today. If your partner is one of the few who still believes in faithfulness, then appreciating them shouldn’t be a big deal for you.
You both should respect one another in addition to loving each other. That way your relationship will remain on the right track and no one can come between you two.
References
- “The Reasons Why Married Women Cheat on Their Husbands.” Fatherly. Jeremy Brown. February 24, 2020.
- “7 Key Reasons Why Some Women Cheat.” Psychology Today. Robert Weiss. August 29, 2018.
- “WhyMen Cheat — and How to Stay Faithful.” Everyday Health. Wyatt Myers. February 4, 2015.
- “The Importance of Appreciation in a Relationship.” HuffPost. Malini Bhatia. September 4, 2017.
- “11 Ways to Make a Woman Feel Loved.” Good Men Project. Vishnu Subramaniam. February 27, 2016.