When a child is born, everyone assumes the mother immediately wants the support of her friends and family. Truly, she does want the people who matter to her to come share in her joy and see her child, but not right after she delivers. Most moms won’t exactly know how to express these feelings because it’s expected for people to shower her in attention immediately after the birth.
However, having too many people in the labor room before and after delivery can be quite uncomfortable. Mothers worry about upsetting family members and friends by asking for privacy, so they just put up with everybody’s presence.
Of course, every mom would feel lucky and blessed to have people to celebrate the birth of her child, people who would take joy in the fact that she brought another human being into the world.
However, for the first couple of days, she just wants to clean up, heal, sleep, and get some rest, but she can’t do that if everyone is hounding her with questions and trying to hold the newborn bundle of joy. She may just want her mom and sisters with her for the first couple of days, but why does her entire herd of family and friends insist on cramming into the hospital room immediately?
A powerful blog post by Katie Bowman, owner of Living My Family Life, got thousands of women finally expressing how they feel about the lack of privacy after delivery. Katie posted an old photo of herself on Facebook shortly after having her first child, backed up by an upsetting tale that many women go through during the few hours after delivery.
Then there’s breastfeeding.
Katie wrote that the whole process of learning to breastfeed is not something a new mom would want to undertake in a room full of people. For the baby, nursing is instinctual, but not for the mother. It’s a process she needs her space for as her breasts would be exposed while the nurse tries to help her get the colostrum out, and it would be awkward to ask people to leave the room so they can pump her breasts.
While everyone is eager to get a picture with the little munchkin, no one cares if the mother had gotten a picture with her child, or at least held her for a few precious moments. Katie explains that she was lucky during her first birth when the midwife grabbed her phone and took some beautiful shots of her and the child that she’ll cherish forever.
She explains that while every woman’s post-delivery demands may not be the same, she was writing on behalf of women who would appreciate it if everyone could kindly give them some valuable space for a day or two.
Her demands are valid and reasonable
“It’s a special moment and they want to be involved. I just think sometimes that overwhelming excitement can sometimes cloud their judgment, and they try to justify that seeing the new baby is more important than listening to what the new mum wants,” Katie said. [1]
Katie explains that in these situations, a new mom is usually made to feel like she’s some ungrateful person if she dares to demand her space and privacy from visitors.
During her second time in the labor room, Katie recalls how she openly demanded that no one visits her that day, especially since she was having twins.
“If it was going to be anything like my first birth, I knew I wasn’t going to want to put on a brave face to see anyone. As it was, the twins were a much easier delivery surprisingly and I felt great and ready to see family the next morning,” she said.
Katie’s post stirred up a lot of buried feelings from moms (and even dads) who felt the same way. It’s always important to consider what the mother wants. No one has the right to make her feel like a jerk for requesting some privacy. If it’s what she needs at that moment, then let her have some space. Birthing a child after nine stressful months is no small feat.
“The whole post is not related specifically to my experience, but experiences in general for new mothers. I feel like it’s a subject where mums feel like they have to just take a back seat and allow their newborn to feel like everyone’s property. It’s about reminding everyone that childbirth is a special moment, and they need to remember that with a new baby, there is a new mother. A new mother who is made to feel like she can’t speak up about her own feelings because apparently everyone else’s feelings are more important at this time,” Katie said.
See some reactions below:
References
- ” Mom’s Viral Post Shows You Shouldn’t Visit Someone Who Just Gave Birth. ” Li Nefas. Bored Panda. December, 2019.
- “Living My Family Life.” Facebook. Retrieved December 15, 2019.