Being in a sturdy, loving, long-term relationship is one of the best experiences a person can have in life. That companionship is second to none and growing old together is beautiful. But humans can be a chaotic bunch – their true intentions aren’t always clear and their toxicity and abusiveness can come to light after even years of being together. And sometimes all it takes is an engagement ring to bring it out.
When the time comes to propose marriage, it’s usually a sign that you know your partner well and are sure you want to spend the rest of your life with them. But it’s a scary thing to do, putting yourself out there like that. You hope your partner will definitely say yes but the other person can most certainly decline, and in an age of public engagements and social media oversharing, that can come at a heavy price.
The act of giving an engagement ring is an old tradition, dating back to the 12th century. One man decided that the time had come to ask his partner for her hand in marriage and set about purchasing a ring and proposing. She said yes, but later took to the website Mumsnet to ask a question and share some concerns about her engagement ring. [1]
Note: The post has since been removed.
Read: Marriage: the unspoken truths of what it entails
An engagement ring fiasco
“DP proposed and presented me with the ring he’d chosen – a diamond solitaire in white gold,” she wrote in her post. “I was so happy and excited to accept but was disappointed when I first saw the ring.The first word that entered my head was ‘small.’”
“There’s nothing to dislike about the type of ring per se. As a diamond, solitaire would have been my choice, but it’s the whole thing — the colour of the gold, the setting, the small stone and relatively chunky shoulders.”
Users of Mumsnet felt that the author of the post was being a little bit ungrateful. Feeling pressed, she decided to add that she snooped on the receipt and felt the price tag was too small. She adds:
“His salary is nearing a 6 figure sum and he’s usually very generous. Having seen the receipt I know he paid £1,300 for it – which is a lot less than I would have imagined he would have spent on such a significant piece of jewelry.“
“He’ll be more disappointed in me for making a fuss over it when, in his eyes, it fits and there’s nothing actually wrong with it, rather than being disappointed that I’m not truly happy with it. Someone at work apparently told him that ‘if she makes it all about the ring, then she’s not the girl for you.’“
“Ideally, I would have loved for us to have chosen a ring together and made a special day finding one we both liked. As it’s something I’ll be wearing every day and is such a special piece of jewelry, I wanted to really love it and I just don’t. Has anyone else been in this situation? What did you do?“
The community reacts
There’s certainly quite a bit to unpack here. It sounds like part of the problem was a lack of communication and clearly a misalignment of values and priorities. Users on the site pushed back hard, accusing her of being ungrateful, with one suggested that she’s more interested in showing off the ring than in her new fiance.
Although some did play devil’s advocate, with one user saying: “You will get flamed for this and people will call you grabby but I can see where you are coming from — not the cost per se but the fact u will be wearing it every day and u are not totally in love with it. I can see both viewpoints.”
My take on the matter is that the author was seeking validation and simply conclusion-shopping an answer to what she already believed to be true: that her fiance is cheap and doesn’t really value her. I think if I were the other person in this story, I’d probably be heavily considering asking for the ring back and maybe declaring a few additional things.
What do you think? Was she justified or acting ungrateful?
Read next: Why never getting married might be the smartest decision
Sources:
- “Fun Facts About Engagement Rings.” Master Jewelers Indiana. Accessed December 3, 2020.