The importance of communication can not be overemphasized. It is the bedrock of whatever relationship we hope to build. Whether in business relationships, romantic relationships, or working relationships, communication is essential. [1]
Of all the issues that may spring up in romantic relationships, a lack of communication is one we will all do well to avoid. It opens the door to misunderstandings and trust issues. It can create distance and tension between partners, leaving one or both partners feeling frustrated, frazzled, and out of their depth.
According to board-certified psychiatrist and dating and relationship coach, Dr. Susan Edelman: “When you can’t communicate with your partner, you are opening the door to misunderstandings and creating distance.”
But try as we may, some issues spiral out of our control and create these gaps even unknowingly. But there’s good news: a communication gap in relationships isn’t unsolvable. All it takes is two partners willing to take charge and address some of its causes.
“A relationship by its very nature is about communication because it involves two people trying to go through life united socially, and in many cases, financially and legally. For this to work at any level, good communication is essential. So it’s best not to let these problems get in your way,” said David Bennett, certified counselor and relationship expert with Double Trust Dating. [2]
Causes of communication gaps in relationships
Unmet expectations
As individuals, each one of us has several plans and expectations. We want to buy an amazing car, get married at 27, have babies at 28, pay off the mortgage in time, excel in our career, etc. When in a relationship, some of these expectations are sometimes transferred to the partner. And when they fail to deliver, we become upset and angry. We feel betrayed and lied to. Instead of addressing the issue, we sometimes check out of the relationship emotionally or resort to stonewalling, thereby creating a bridge in communication. [3]
Lack of quality time
The advantages of technology are numerous. We have everything at the very tip of our fingers. Then various apps can keep one glued to his or her phone. Talk about Netflix, Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, and the like. In a bid to keep up with our online followers, we sometimes forget the most important things, the ones that truly matter.
It is difficult, as it were, to combine professional and personal life effectively, however, it is worse when the little time we have to bond with our partners is spent streaming a movie or scrolling through Twitter. Once in awhile, we need to unplug and give full attention to our partners. We need to communicate and do things together rather than separately. [4]
Poor Listening Skills
Has your partner ever complained about not being heard? Yes? Then there is a problem.
Poor listening skills in a relationship will lead to misunderstandings and frustration. In the heat of a discussion or argument, many are keen on only putting their arguments across, leaving no room for their partners to air their view. They reject their partner’s opinions, making them feel rejected and disrespected. Others pretend to listen with the sole aim of countering their partner’s views. But this should not be so. Doing this will inevitably create more significant communication gaps in the relationship.
How communication gaps can be bridged
Know your partner’s love language
Each individual has a love language that speaks to them above all others. This love language, when employed, can go a long way in reassuring your partner of your love and commitment while bridging all communication gaps. For example, if your partner’s love language is gifts and reminders, giving her a beautiful earring or bracelet will do a lot of wonders for a relationship when compared to helping out with chores.
If you have a partner who responds well to praise and word of affirmation, speak it regularly. When you understand your partner’s love language and learn to speak it regularly, you will be able to communicate better and more effectively with them.
Do not ignore your partner
Although you may be tempted to ignore your partner after you’ve argued, do not resort to it. Ignoring your partner or leaving the room altogether will only compound the problem. When there’s been an argument, address the issue, talk through it, listen carefully to your partner without interruption. Do not disrespect them by ignoring them. No matter how angry you are, communicate with love and mutual respect.
References
- “Top 10 Reasons Relationships Fail.” Psychology Today. Preston Ni M.S.B.A. July 12, 2015.
- “12 Communication Mistakes In Your Relationship That Are Sabotaging Your Connection.” Bustle. Eva Taylor Grant. July 19, 2018.
- “Relationships and communication.” Better Health. Accessed February 18, 2020.
- “The 10 most common problems people have in relationships – and how to solve them.” iNews. iTeam. February 9, 2018.