At some point in our lives, we find ourselves trying desperately to forget about someone and stop thinking about them. Most of the time, we are not successful. It’s just too difficult to wipe people from your memories as though they were never there.
It’s normal to get mad at yourself when your thoughts turn to someone you’re supposed to be getting over. However, it’s not necessary. It’s okay to feel a sense of loss for people you’ve had to cut off, no matter how much they hurt you. Whether it’s a family member, a partner, a friend, a colleague or an acquaintance, when a person brings negative vibes and toxicity into your life, they have to go. Sometimes, life happens and communication just fizzles out. However, the good memories will always rise to the surface now and then.
Don’t beat yourself up for letting your thoughts switch over to people who are supposed to be out of your life. You’re human and it’s okay to miss people you previously connected with. They were once part of your life, possibly part of your support system. Sadly, the bad outweighed the good and they had to go. They took advantage of you, abused you, abandoned you, took you for granted, and broke your trust. You deserved better and you went for it. Your happiness and sanity should never be compromised and you had to think of yourself.
However, don’t hate yourself for missing them or mourning their presence. It’s perfectly normal to feel this way, and while you shouldn’t let thoughts of someone else weigh you down, don’t try to fight them too hard.
There’s no switch on your emotions
It’s difficult to move on from people who have become an integral part of your life. You used to talk regularly and share details of each other’s lives, but somehow, things changed and there’s no way to get back on track. While it’s important to carry on with your life and interact with other people, don’t try too quickly to wash the lost ones out of your mind.
Yes, it hurts. It hurts so badly to think about them and how much they’ve hurt you. They abandoned you and brought so much negativity into your life. You wish you could forget about the pain they’ve put you through. You regret all the time and resources you invested into this person. It hurts very deeply.
However, you have to nip it all in the bud and work through these conflicting emotions to avoid getting depressed.
It gets unhealthy when you’re grieving their absence for a prolonged period, so much that you can’t move on with your life. It’s also easy to have your mind and moods constantly messed up by thoughts of someone who has hurt you. You find yourself thinking excessively about them, so much that you lose interest in carrying out your normal functions. You have to get in front of things and set your emotions in perspective to prevent this from happening. [2]
You can get angry. It’s okay to let your feelings out and stew over what they’ve done to you. It’s okay to scream. While anger should always be controlled and kept in check, you can let it out sometimes. Bottling it up or trying to storing it away will only cause problems at a later time. Work through those negative feelings immediately and slowly shift your focus to something else.
Accept things and forge ahead
For the sake of your mental health and wellbeing, it’s important to come to terms with the reality you’re facing. This person is no longer in your life and while this development may be in your best interest, you may never stop thinking about them once in a while.
You could miss the good times now and then, after which you should get occupied with something else and carry on with your life.
In the end, you’re going to be okay because you made the right decision for yourself.
Stay happy.
References
- “It’s OK to Mourn the People You’ve Had to Cut Off.” The Mighty. Harmony Yendys. Retrieved July 2, 2019.
- “Dealing with Depression After a Breakup.” Healthline. Michael Kerr. February 2017.