How do you deal with a co-worker that takes every opportunity to throw you under the bus? How do you deal with that driver that wrongly honked at you? How do you deal with a spouse that takes every opportunity to cheat on you? How do you keep the secrets of someone who intentionally hurt you?
A lot of people advised me to take the high road when someone tried to ruin me, even when all I wanted to do was to hurt the person as much as he had hurt me. I was prepared to fight back and give him a taste of his own medicine. So I know. I know how sitting in people’s shoes can be exhausting. I know that hurting people who have hurt you may make you feel better. Sometimes, it takes less effort to pay that person in his/her coin. But that’s where we need to prove that we are better than those who hurt us.
Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love. – Lao Tzu
If your heart has been broken to the extent where breathing becomes a chore, you may find staying calm a big problem. However, when anger strikes you, take time to breathe deeply and remain calm before responding. Find a reason to pray for them, and deflect tension with love. Remember that hate only fuels the fire.
Sharing her experience and her journey towards becoming kind, Lexi Cummings said:
“And it is much more difficult to choose these things in the midst of pain than just hitting or striking back. We naturally want to do people the damage they have done to us. It is not in our nature to forgive and leave. But as difficult as it is, miserable and lonely it sometimes feels, I have found peace like I have never known when choosing the latter.”
The truth is that hurt people hurt people. When someone reacts horribly to you, it may be that their reaction stems from their past experiences. Other times, it may be because of preconceived ideas projected onto others to protect their egos. So recognize it for what it is and love them anyway.
“Let us learn to live with kindness, to love everyone, even when they do not love us.” – Pope Francis
Kindness is not a trait that should be practiced for fun. It should be an international lifestyle. It should be nurtured and embraced every single day. But do not expect it to leave you satisfied every time. It will test you, but always choose kindness. Be kind to people even when they don’t deserve it. If you find that you can’t keep up or that person is doing more damage than you can take, walk out of their lives without stirring a hornet’s nest. Give them forgiveness, not for their sake but for yours. Forgive and walk away without looking back.
“Kindness is knocked out of us by the time we are adults. Kindness is not a trait anyone practices for the fun of it. Kindness is a way of life that you have to choose to embrace every single day. Kindness is going to leave you disappointed, frustrated, angry, even empty,” Lexi Cummings said in a post. “But we choose it because the world needs balance and there is enough hate going around already. We choose it because it refills our souls. We choose it because we know how it feels to receive the opposite. We choose it because we like the challenge”
Be intentional
If you think friendly people are nice by accident, think again. Behind their choice lies an intentional decision to spread warmth and happiness rather than hostility and sadness. Be intentional about your kindness. Spread love and compassion.
“What I’m trying to say here is this: friendly people are not friendly by accident. It is a very deliberate decision to be like this. A tough, painful, exhausting choice, but also a very rewarding one on a personal level,” Lexi added.
Do not be a doormat
However, friendliness is not an excuse to be a doormat. Being a doormat is a sure way to enable terrible people to continue in their ways. Being a doormat will open up channels of attack. Friendliness is not about being used or putting up with toxic people; rather, it is about your attitude towards others. No one should be a doormat, so be very careful to avoid slipping into that pitfall. Before walking out, find the purpose in that pain. Recognize the purpose it served. As much as pain isn’t palatable, it may be life’s way of passing across specific lessons.
Remember that “darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” (Martin Luther King, Jr.)
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