Just like you could watch a movie trailer before getting into the real thing, why can’t we get a preview before a relationship to know what we’re signing up for? Only if it were that straightforward. However, time shows how good or bad a person is, and not how much you loved them.
Contrary to what most guys immediately assume, not every woman who’s not forthcoming is playing the hard-to-get game. A lot of the time, we are just afraid of letting our guards down and being hurt — again. It’s a different kind of pain when you let someone in, bare your insecurities out for them to see, show them your biggest fears and place a lot of trust in them, only for them to go ahead and make the same mistake that cut you up so badly in the first place. Recovering from something like that is hard enough, and not every woman will be willing to give you a second chance.
It’s tough to hold one’s walls up for too long. She doesn’t want to be hurt again, but she also wants to believe that not everyone would treat her like her ex(es) did. She wants to love again but she’s afraid to trust anyone, and these two emotions are mutually exclusive.
When someone finally comes around and sticks long enough that she begins to trust him, those walls she’d held up for so long would begin to crumble. She’d let you see a side of her she’d worked so hard to keep safe, so no one could ever use it against her again. Betrayal is a fully conscious act that’s never to be written off as a mistake. You don’t pull another human being down unconsciously. You had to have known what you were doing, and this is what hurts the most about it, that someone whom they loved and who claimed to love them back clear-headedly did something so painful to them. It could have been cheating, lying, backstabbing, manipulation, or shaming of some sort, but whatever it is, she doesn’t deserve it.
When someone gives you their trust, be careful with it.
It’s not merely a cycle of hurting someone, apologizing, they refuse to accept, then you break up and move on. No, it’s a lot more complicated than that. You’ve destroyed something so vital inside them, and this person may have been hurt so many times that they may not be able to pick up the pieces again and forge ahead. Betrayal is a vicious cycle of hurt and pain, and if you know you’re not going to be committed enough to uphold someone’s trust, it’s easier not to even get involved with them.
Everyone deserves that intimacy where they can share anything with someone and know that up until the end of the world, they’ll never be betrayed. It’s an amazing feeling, a true definition of emotional security. [1]
If someone betrays you, you can’t let them win by staying down or remaining defeated
It hurts, truly, it does, but this cannot be the end of the world for you. If you’ve been hurt so many times and felt like the last one was the breaking point, only to be hurt again, it can feel really terrible. Even if it was your first time experiencing betrayal, it doesn’t make it any less difficult. It’s going to be tough acknowledging it, but at your weakest point, you’ve gained something that could make you the strongest you’ve ever been. [2]
They broke your heart and hurt you, but you can turn all that pain into a futile attempt to disvalue your priceless worth. You can turn it into nothing but an attempt by learning from this horrible experience to love yourself all the more. You can learn how much of a valuable personality you are by remaining strong and insisting on staying happy despite all the pain.
This doesn’t mean you should bottle up the hurt and put on a strong face. No, you have to process that hurt to wear a genuine strong face. Strength doesn’t have to be proven by pain, but you are here now and you can scale through this. Tell yourself that you are better than being beaten down because of someone else’s transgressions. You deserve so much more than to have your life halted and stomped on, and you’re done staying down.
It’s not your fault that someone hurt you because you let them in. Just forgive yourself for letting someone so unworthy come near your heart.
It’s time to take control of your life and focus on yourself for as long as you need. You can still find true love, and the lessons you learned from your past relationship would hopefully point you to the right person this time. Focus on staying happy, hanging out with quality and trustworthy friends, taking enough time for yourself, and living your life just as you desire.
References
- “Rethinking Trust. Harvard Business Review. Roderick M. Kramer. Retrieved June 24, 2020.
- “Recovering From Betrayal: 7 Steps That Will Change Your Life. Huff Post. Kristen Brown. Retrieved June 24, 2020.