No two marriages are the same, that’s for sure. This is why it’s super difficult for people to advise others about marriage. What works for couple A might tear couple B apart. Couples are different, and so are the situations surrounding their marriages.
Anyway, marriage is a beautiful thing — with the right person. It’s amazing to have someone with whom you can share your heart and life. It’s not merely a physical union, but also an emotional bond that sets the pace for a lifelong commitment.
However, it’s not always going to be perfectly rosy. The concept of marriage would often seem scary to the younger generation because we have this twisted idea that a union must be “perfect” from start to finish. Actually, it requires a lot of work and effort from both parties to thrive. [1] A couple can be happily married for 50 years, and yet their union would be punctuated with occasional fights and quarrels that rocked the ship but didn’t sink it.
Romantic fairy tales and unrealistic movies have sold us an unreasonable mentality of what a happy marriage should look like, and below are a few stark realities being told by people who have “been there, done that.”
See that right there? You can’t help but be petty sometimes.
My parents have been married for almost 31 years and while they are my poster couple for the perfect marriage, they had a lot of head-butts here and there that got us kids occasionally confused. How can two people love each other so much in one minute, and the next, they are arguing about the most insignificant thing you could think of?
My mom once went to work with the TV remote in her handbag and all the cool channels blocked, just so my dad wouldn’t watch and would be unable to control it from the screen buttons. The previous night, my mum had wanted to watch a soap opera but a football game was on. Dad wasn’t budging because it was a huge match, and Mum had to let go… but only to go hatch her sinister plan.
When she returned from work later that night, after almost 12 hours of pettily hoarding the remote, they bickered so much that we girls couldn’t get our homework done. After a while, it died down and Mum went to freshen up while muttering angrily to herself.
An hour later, I went downstairs to get a drink of water and stumbled across the most unlikely scene, considering they’d just been fighting. Dad was cuddling his precious wife, stroking her hair, and whispering in her ear while she blushed like a 16-year-old. Moments like those make all the bickering and disagreements seem inconsequential.
If that’s the only way to get him to help out in the cleaning, then, by all means.
My dad always contributed willingly to the chores. Cleaning was an intensely relaxing activity for him and he loved the feeling of wiping down a surface and watching it glimmer. Mum always felt like she was the luckiest woman alive to have a husband who loved cleaning.
This should apply to both partners because my mum once stuffed her earrings in her breast pocket and made us search for it for thirty minutes. Our saving grace came when dad spotted the outline in her shirt and pulled it out.
So, he wants an award for facing up to his responsibilities? Okay. Carve one on the wall for him.
References
- ” What Makes Marriage Work?” Psychology Today. Nan Silver. Retrieved August 19, 2020.