“I’m not asking — I’m telling.”
We live in an age where being a disciplinary parent is considered old-fashioned and unnecessary. The highest form of discipline most kids would ever receive these days is, “Go to your room and think about what you’ve done.” On a good day, parenting is a difficult job and even though there are thousands of written guides and books out there, there are no solid laid-down rules. No one gets to judge or criticize the decisions another person makes as a parent. However, we need to understand that being strict with kids when the situation calls for it is not “bad parenting.”
When I was a kid, my mom and I were very close. I have two sisters — an elder and a younger one — and we are all pretty attached to our mom. We shared all our secrets with her and listened to her deepest life lessons. However, mom could be mean when she needed to be. She could be the chatty, fun mom this second and in the blink of an eye, she’d confiscate your novel and send you upstairs to get your homework done. We were best friends but there were boundaries we girls learned not to cross. You only got out of doing your chores on your birthday or a sick day.
Mean moms aren’t vampires — they just want to raise responsible kids
Being a mean mom doesn’t mean you’re a wicked one — even though your kids would sometimes think you are. It doesn’t mean you have to constantly wear a mean look and an angry demeanor around your kids. You don’t have to instill a sense of palpable fear in them whenever you’re home. It certainly doesn’t mean you have to raise them like soldiers and correct every tiny mistake they make.
However, being a mean mom means you can put your foot down when your kids go off-track and they’ll listen to you without arguing. It means you can regulate the number of hours a day your kids spend on their cellphones. A ‘good mean mom’ is one who her children like and dislike at the same time. They can tell you about their day and talk about who they have a crush on, and the next minute, they are regretting being friendly with you because they’ve just been ordered to do the dishes. You’ll raise kids who are respectful to their elders and who do not have a sense of entitlement.
To be honest, you are not going to enjoy being a mean mom. It’ll be straining to keep it up most of the time. However, your children will one day look back and wonder how they would have turned out if you hadn’t taught them to handle their own laundry.
In the words of an honorary member of the mean moms club
Scary Mommy contributor Christine Organ is very passionate about not raising ‘a**holes.’ [1] She knows her kids are irritated with her half the time, but the limits are never to be tampered with.
“On any given day, my kids are pissed at me for one reason or another,” she wrote. “Either I asked them to clean up the puddles they left in the bathroom, or I cut their Xbox time too short. Sometimes I even have the audacity to ask them to pick up the dog poop in the backyard or take their dinner plate to the sink. Sometimes I’m a nagging mom. Sometimes I’m a strict mom. And sometimes I’m, dare I say, the meanest mom EVER.”
Her kids usually complain about her strict rules and point out how their friends are free to do whatever they want. She’s close to them and they know that she’ll always have their backs no matter what happens, but sometimes, they just want to tear their hair off at her not-so-funny antics.
“Generally, I think I’m a fairly laid-back parent about lots of things — most things even. I say yes to lots of things — screen time, unhealthy snacks, and later bedtimes. I don’t hound them about their grades (as long as they try hard and respect their teachers). I overlook the socks on the floor and get off their back about the disaster that is their bedroom. Look, I don’t even get hot and bothered when they don’t put the toilet seat down (which is pretty much all the time),” Organ wrote.
Raising your kid right could mean setting those horrible things called ‘rules’ and enforcing them with no room for misbehavior. If your kids aren’t allowed to abandon Legos on the porch for days or jump out of a moving car while you’re trying to park, it’s in their best interest.
Being a mom is tough, but being a mean mom is tougher.
“But you know what,” Organ wrote in conclusion. “Pissing our kids off just goes with the territory. And being ‘mean’ sometimes is just one of the responsibilities that go along with the privilege of being Mom.”
Reference:
- “Parents, Kids, and Discipline,” Web MD.
- “I’m Not Afraid To Be A ‘Mean Mom,’ Because I Don’t Want To Raise A**holes,” Scary Mommy.