It’s tough to accept the possibility that someone you may have known your whole life could be the reason why your mental wellbeing is disturbed. Familiarity causes us to make excuses for people, often accepting certain terrible attitudes as “their nature” or “unchangeable character.” Sure, this could be their so-called nature and they may never actually change, but you shouldn’t be stuck at the receiving end of it.
You are in charge of your life, fully in control of your happiness, even if you don’t know how to navigate it yet. You are responsible for your wellbeing and if you are putting up with toxic attitudes and emotionally destructive personalities, it might be time to cut those ties and focus on those who truly matter.
Toxic people are the liars, manipulators, emotional and physical abusers, gaslighters, brag-experts, body-shamers, bullies, narcissists, the selfish ones, and generally people who wear you out emotionally and deplete your happiness. According to therapist Nancy Irwin, a toxic person is “anyone who is abusive, unsupportive, or unhealthy emotionally—someone who basically brings you down more than up.”
Imagine how emotionally draining it is to be in an abusive relationship. A person who is constantly being manipulated at work or torn down by family members would feel the same emotional emptiness. Toxicity comes in different forms but the effects each has on a person’s mind are generally the same – exhaustion, hopelessness, and often a feeling of unworthiness.
They are the unworthy ones, not you. They don’t deserve you
It may seem impractical at first, but you can cut ties with people who delight in hurting and belittling you. If you are determined to be at peace with yourself, you can shift your thoughts, focus, and energy away from people who delete your happiness.
It doesn’t matter if they are family. There’s no union stronger than the one you’ve got with yourself. If you crack away on the inside from enduring abuse and wicked behavior, there’d be nothing left for others to unite with, so you’ve got to take care of your wellbeing at all costs.
You cannot give what you do not have. You cannot practice what you do not feel. There’s no way to have reasonable relationships with others if you’ve been conditioned to hating yourself.
If you’re dealing with narcissistic parents or siblings who make you feel like a failure, you have every right to cut them out and focus on what makes you happy. A real family is one that offers support, stability, kindness, warmth, love, and most importantly, people who encourage us to become better versions of ourselves. If your family or friends are doing the opposite, you’d be saving your life by keeping them at bay.
If you are stuck with selfish friends who try to manipulate you into doing their bidding at all times, you are most likely not going to achieve the heights you are capable of. These people don’t deserve to be in your life because they are only taking advantage of you, and if you don’t stay away from them, they’ll never stop sucking you dry. [1]
How about narcissists? Unnaturally egotistical people who constantly crave attention and live off making others feel like dirt. Deep down, narcissists are broken people who need to exert authority on others to feel good about themselves. You cannot them continue tormenting you. A narcissist’s worst nightmare is the day someone stands up to them and calls them out for what they truly are. As usual, they’d try to be the center of attention by playing the victim. Don’t fall for this practiced act. Be determined to put some distance between yourself and these characters. [2]
Manipulators, chronic liars, and gaslighters
These people are experts at turning others into mere shadows of themselves. They could drive you into insanity with endless lies and mental torture, basically making you doubt the reality you’ve always known to be true.
In a nutshell, human toxicity is painfully chafing. These personalities would eat away at your soul and happiness, and it’s only a matter of time before you are completely subservient to their wishes.
Focus on people who make you happy
A person who deserves to be in your life is not necessarily one who always tells you what you want to hear or supports you when you’re wrong. In reality, people like these are more harmful than good.
The people who truly matter are those whom the smallest thoughts of them are enough to make you smile. You’re wildly excited whenever it’s time to see them and you’d go to any lengths to keep them happy because you love them and they’d do the same for you. These are the people who make up your solid support system and your circle of quality of friends.
Stick with them. Spend your free time with them. Share your troubles and listen to theirs. Laugh with them, cry with them, grow, and live with them.
When you find yourself spending quality time with people who make your heart trip happily, you’d have no time for toxic souls.
References
- “When Family Becomes Toxic.” Healthline. Crystal Raypole. Retrieved July 7, 2020.
- “Narcissistic personality disorder.” Mayo Clinic.
- “Toxic People Don’t Deserve To Be A Part Of Your Life, Even If They Are Family.” Interesting.shared. Retrieved July 7, 2020.